Beer Warnings....

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: 1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. 2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. 4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. 5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. 8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. 10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. 11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.