Thursday, April 2, 2009

They Walk Among Us - April Fool Special Mails

TRULY CLASSIC!!

 

 

 Clueless 'Millionaire'  Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines  Ever  
 
  
   
                   
  
   
  
      Kathy Evans, the single dumbest  contestant to ever get on 'Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire?' 
  
    NEW  YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought  humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday  when she set a new  
      standard for stupidity with  her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who  Wants To Be A Millionaire.'
 
     It seems that  Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got  stuck on the first question, and proceeded to  make what  
      fans of the show are dubbing 'the  absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'  
  
     After  being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she  
      was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:  
  
     'Which of the following is the largest?' 
     A) A  Peanut
     B) An Elephant
     C) The Moon
     D)  Hey, who you calling large?  
  
     Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not  
      readily know the answer.  'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira  did her level best to hide her disbelief and  
      disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of  these things before, but I have no idea how  large they would be.'  
  
     Evans made the decision to use the first of her three  lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were  removed, leaving her to 
      decide which was bigger,  an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained   
      unsure.  
     'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I  think I better phone a friend.' 
     Using the second of her two lifelines on the first  question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with  her friend Betsy, who is  
      an office assistant.   
      'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm  on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven  seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important   
      question. Which of the following is the largest?  B,  an elephant, or C, the moon. 5 seconds hun.'   
  
     Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C,  the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 
     'Come  on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure  are you?  Puh, that can't be it.'  
  
     To  everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick  'The Moon.' 
     'I just don't know if I can  trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I  think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.  
  
     Asked to vote on the correct answer, the  audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The  Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines,  
      Evans  then made the dumbest choice of her life.   
  
     'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live  Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got  
      to  go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is  larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to  have to go with B, an elephant. 
      Final answer.'   
  
     Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience,  the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that  
      the answer was  in fact, C, 'The Moon.' 
 

 
                    This one is  actually better!!! 
 
                     
 
                      
 
                      
 
                *Caution...  They Walk Among Us!*
 
 
 *One day I was  walking down the beach with some friends when someone
 shouted....'Look at that dead bird!'  Someone looked up at the sky  and
 said...'where???'*
 
 **They Walk  among us!!*
 
 ***
 While looking at a  house, my brother asked the estate agent which  direction
 was north because, he explained, he  didn't want the sun waking him up  every
 morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise  in the north?' When my brother
 explained that  the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime,  she shook
 her head and said, 'Oh, I don't  keep up with that stuff.' *
 
 **They Walk  Among Us!!*
 
 ****
 My colleague and I  were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we  overheard
 one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got  on
 her weekend drive to the beach. She drove  down in a convertible, but 'didn't
 think  she'd get sunburned because the car was  moving'.*
 
 **They Walk Among  Us!!!!*
 
 ***
 I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half  kilogram sirloin. 

  
She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a  scene, 
  
I told her I would take the 500g steak  instead of the half-kgr.*
 
 **They walk  among us! *
 
 ****
 My sister has a  lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut  through a seat belt 

  
if she gets trapped.    She  keeps it in the car trunk...*
 
 **They Walk  Among Us!!!!!*
 
 ***
 My friends and I  were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. 

  
Since it was a big  party, we bought 2 cases. The  cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and 
  
gave us a  20% discount.... *
 
 **They Walk Among  Us!!!!!!*
 
 ***
 I was hanging out with a  friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to 

  
an earring by a chain. My  friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned 
  
her head?'  I had to  explain that a person's nose and ear remain  the same distance 
  
apart no matter which way the head is turned...*
 
 **They Walk Among  Us!!!!!!! *
 
 ***
 I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage 

  
office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.  She  smiled and 
  
told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 
  
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...*
 
 **They Walk Among  Us!!!!!!!!*
 
 ***
 While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. 

  
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces 
  
or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4  pieces; 
  
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.*
 
 **Yep, They Walk Among Us,  too.!!!!!!!!*
 
 *Sadly, not only do they  walk among us, they also  reproduce!!!!*
  

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